 ARTICLES:
On this page are articles written by various holistic practicioners and people in the life coaching and holistic fields. If you would like to write or sumbit an already written article please contact SuZen at lcc@lifecoachingctr.org or call her at 908-685-8886.
Self-Acceptance
and Self-Improvement
Robert Elias Najemy
Part 3 of a 5 part series on creating a Positive Life
Outlook
Some fear that if we accept ourselves as we are, that we
will have no motive to improve ourselves.
There is a small possibility that self-acceptance might
cause a few people to loose interest in self-improvement. In
most cases, however, it opens the door towards natural
change and self-betterment.
Contrary to what many think, self-acceptance is usually a
prerequisite to moving beyond aspects of our selves which we
would like to leave behind.
It is as if that aspect which we want to change is another
person whom we are rejecting and asking to be different.
They will usually resist and become even more deeply
entrenched in the behaviors we would like to them to change.
The same seems to happen when we reject aspects of
ourselves. Those tendencies or "sub-personalities"
tend to resist letting go of their ways of functioning and
behaving. Thus, we often delay our freedom from such
undesired habits or characteristics when we reject them or
ourselves for having them.
Say for example, we smoke or eat or drink too much. Or we
might tend towards aggressiveness, jealousy, anger, fear or
other unwanted emotions. We might prefer to be more
assertive and dynamic in achieving our goals.
Rather than reject ourselves for what we would like to
change, a much more effective approach is to:
1. Accept that undesired aspect of ourselves as a natural
evolutionary response to the various stresses,
disappointments, difficulties, and challenges we have
encountered until now in our lives. We have developed these
habits and tendencies as an attempt to "protect"
our selves from "dangers" or to "relax"
from our tensions.
2. Learn to understand these aspects of our being. They are
parts of us, which deserves our love and acceptance as it
is. We need to understand what those parts of ourselves are
actually seeking through those behavior. They might be
seeking security, affirmation, freedom or perhaps release of
tension.
Our "aspects" or sub-personalities can search for
security in money, food, relationships, sex, smoking, coffee
or even through conflict. We have been programmed to doubt
our security and self-worth and to fear for our freedom and
to seek them at times in strange and sometimes
self-destructive ways.
Thus the second step is to understand these parts of
ourselves and realize how they feel and what they need.
3. The third step is to begin to reeducate these parts of
ourselves and help them understand what is really in their
benefit and how they can achieve real security, self-worth,
freedom and fulfillment. This might take the form of a
dialogue with that aspect of ourselves in which we listen to
its needs and then explain how we perceive our lives and
share our goals and needs. We can write a dialogue between
these two parts of our being - the one who wants to keep on
with its habits and the second which wants to move on to
other ways of behaving. They can each express to each other
their: a. Needs
b. Feelings
c. Beliefs
d. Goals.
This can also be done by setting up two chairs and creating
a verbal exchange in which we speak alternatively for each
part of ourselves as we change positions sitting in each
chair as we change perspective and seek to feel and express
that aspect of ourselves.
4. The fourth step is to take the position of our higher
wiser self and speak to both parts of ourselves. Both the
part, which wants to the change and the one, which does not,
are equally aspects of our being. They are like our children
and they need to be accepted and loved as they are. They
need to be helped to love harmoniously in the same body and
mind.
5. In the end we need to understand that our true being is
not limited to either of these aspects. We are something
much greater.
This mutual inner acceptance and communication between these
conflicting aspects our being opens the door to a type of
inner cooperation which brings about a much more effective
and lasting change than can ever be accomplished through
self-rejection and conflict.
The same is obviously true about our need to change others.
We can get much better results if we accept and understand
them and their needs and then express our needs in an
atmosphere of mutual understanding and respect.
As for the fear that we might relax too much and not move
forward if we accept ourselves, we would do well to remember
that all of nature seeks to evolve. Our inner being
naturally seeks to evolve. This is our basic inner need. We
are all driven by an inner pressure towards perfection. How
else can we know that we do not have perfect love or
justice, unless we have an inner frame of reference.
We want to create health, harmony, peace and love in our
lives because these remind us of out true inner self. These
are who and what we are.
No matter how much we accept ourselves we will always want
to move towards that manifestation of our inner potential.
We need to externalize our inner beauty.
Loving and accepting ourselves is the first step towards
that.
What is Meditation?
Robert Elias Najemy
Meditation can be described in hundreds of ways. Here we
will give some brief explanations about this
so-extremely-important aspect of human harmony, health and
spiritual evolution.
Three Aspects of Meditation
1. The first step is relaxation or surrendering of the body
and mind so that the mind is not cluttered with various
unrelated and disturbing thoughts.
2. The second is concentration on a limited area of mental
focus so as to begin to be able to control and direct the
mind towards the chosen "object" of concentration.
Thus, if I have chosen to concentrate on Christ, the concept
of love or the energy in my heart center, my mind will not
wonder from that point of focus to various other unrelated
thoughts concerning my daily life, needs, desires, the
future and the past.
3. The third stage is the eventual transcendence of the
mind, thoughts and all identification with the body and
personality. We then enter into a state of super-mental
union with divine consciousness.
These three aspects, RELAXATION, CONCENTRATION and
TRANSCENDENCE constitute the basis of most meditation
techniques.
What is Meditation Like?
Meditation could be considered any process or abstinence of
process, which brings the mind into a state of contact with
the inner self, so that a sense of inner peace and
fulfillment ensue.
Ordinarily, our minds are constantly preoccupied with
feelings, ideas, thoughts, sounds, sights, tastes and
sensual experiences. We are focused on working, talking,
thinking, analyzing, watching, worrying, solving, studying,
dreaming and so on. We are like ships being tossed around by
the waves of circumstances, external inputs and our
subconscious programming.
One moment we are happy, elated over a success, a new
purchase or an affirming exchange with a loved one. In the
next moment sadness flows through us - we are tired,
depressed with life, bored with work, confined by our
family, devastated by the heat, frustrated with ourselves,
angry at others, or bitter about the hardships which life
has put upon us. Life is an incessant flow of moods,
thoughts and perceptions.
Now the object of your consciousness is what you are
reading. And in-between the lines it moves to the life
experiences, which are stimulated by the associations
brought forth by these words. Then the past memories become
your object of consciousness.
Meditation is a process in which we let go of these
disturbances and allow ourselves to sink into ourselves and
experience the center of our being, where there is a
constant sense of peace and feelings of security and love
for ourselves and all others.
This becomes a source of energy, security, self-worth,
freedom, strength and peace with which we can deal with our
daily lives. We have so much to gain by dedicating 20
minutes at least once but better twice daily for this
contact.
We will obtain greater clarity, health, harmony, happiness,
intuition, understanding, creativity and problem solving
ability.
The meditative process climaxes in the transcendence of the
ego and the mind itself, ending in a state of contact with
higher levels of awareness or, eventually, pure
consciousness without an object of perception.
If we care for our bodies and minds,
they will care for us.
**********
For details concerning how to meditate, Click
Here
**********
For the free ebook "The Art of Meditation" Click
Here
Be Well
**********
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(Robert Elias Najemy's recently released book "The
Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is
available at
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/holisticharmo-20
and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html
.
His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com
where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.)
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**NOTE: All of the therapies offered by The
Life Coaching Center LLC are non-diagnostic holistic health
systems, supplementing and supporting medical treatment.
Your physician is your primary resource for health care. |
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